Buried Planet

The Hope Train threw some more rods the other day when St. Barack Obama of Assisi’s new Attorney General pontificated on the nature of race relations in America.

Attorney General Eric Holder described the United States Wednesday as a nation of cowards on matters of race, saying most Americans avoid discussing unresolved racial issues.

In a speech to Justice Department employees marking Black History Month, Holder said the workplace is largely integrated but Americans still self-segregate on the weekends and in their private lives.

“Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards,” said Holder, nation’s first black attorney general.

Race issues continue to be a topic of political discussion, Holder said, but “we, as average Americans, simply do not talk enough with each other about race.”

He urged people of all races to use Black History Month as a chance for frank talk about racial matters.

Um, I like my job, so I don’t get into frank discussions about race too often. A question for Mr. Holder, “Does this mean that blacks who don’t go to white neighborhoods to ‘hang out’ and socialize are cowards? Or are you speaking primarily to whites?” I don’t really see myself going down to Harlem and playing some pickup basketball with the indigenous people, ok? Frankly (since we’re being encouraged to talk with candor) I don’t feel safe in that neighborhood.

(Thudding, splintering sounds can be heard from Krog’s door.)

I mean, I think blacks have a seriously screwed up culture — at least the culture I see on television and in the news. Black children who speak the Queen’s English (as opposed to ‘ebonics’) are ridiculed as ‘acting white’ and the black community does nothing. What’s up with that? I don’t hang out with a lot of black people out of any animosity towards them, I just tend to spend more time with people who share my values.

(Krog’s door explodes under the combined fury of Rev. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson’s fists.)

Mr. Holden, you’re right — we should have a more frank and open discussion on race in America.

(Rev. Jeremiah Wright hog-ties Krog and drags him out the door to jail.)

I just wonder if I would survive it, and if Mr. Holder has any right to call Americans ‘cowards’.

(And yes, that’s the best image I could find for this post. I tried googling ‘Ebony and Ivory’ at first, but was too horrified by the results, ok?)