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Conservative Men Are Paleolithic Throwbacks

ROMNEY 2012!!!

The UK's Telegraph reports that 'strong men' (read 'cavemen') tend to vote conservative. A new study by Australian scientists indicate that men are "more likely to hold right wing political views because they believe society should be geared to personal struggle and self-preservation, an academic study claims."

I think this deserves further study. Could the converse be true? I find gender studies to be utterly fascinating for Gender Studies majors, and thoroughly stupid for everyone else, but hey, let's go there!

Take Elijah Woods for example: sure, not a musclebound oafish conservative caveman, but he's got his action chops.

Hobbits are well-known for their ferocity... when attacking a plate of food. And they can walk really, really long distances like nobody's business!

Why fight when you simply walk away from the danger?

Progressives have lots of masculine role models, whose wispy, willowy arms do not preclude them from kicking serious tail. Which leads me to my next point.

Take that one guy from that one movie about those werewolves and vampires and teenagers?

Scary stuff. Only the most macho of men can pull off a role that requires that their skin twinkle like diamonds in the sun.

(Don't ask me how I know that fact from the Twilight series, it's irrelevant, ok? I absorb facts, and can't wring them out of my brain, it cannot be helped.)

Sparkly-skinned vampires = manliness.

The guy from the The Social Network -- social media industry politicking is gruesome and very dangerous -- to your social life.

And yes, Cena (is that his name?) did that one zombie movie with Woody Harrelson. Plenty of action in the movie, proving that strong, masculine progressive male archetypes exist. In the zombie film, his character expounds a series of rules that help him survive the zombie apocalype, which includes being able to flee at the first sign of a zombie attack.

And finally, the man who epitomizes progressive masculine thought in Hollywood:

Yeah, Woody Allen! Why the heck not? He's tough; he survived a dystopian future world, and his whininess serves to distract predators!

Nothing says 'Do you feel lucky, punk?' than a rockin' clarinet solo.

In all seriousness, I think conservatives tend to be men (who have a greater sense of being outward actors upon the world) and progressives tend to be women (who have a greater propensity to be worried about the outside world actions upon them).

Oh, and also effete men.

But let's prove the positive before the negative, right? Most conservative male leaders resemble Arnold Schwarzenaegger, don't they? Well, sure! There's Newt Gingrich (like a melted Michelin Man, or a walrus) and the chiseled good looks (and sweater vest) of Rick Santorum. A sweater vest is just one step away from a bandolier, if you squint. And then there's Ron Paul. Why, he's like a shriveled up Hulk Hogan, in his way, right? Right?

Only Romney looks like he could have any hope of fighting off a sabre-toothed tiger. Maybe.

Why do I despise gender studies so vehemently? I was forced to take a gender studies course in college, and the preface of the textbook read: "It is important for the reader, while reading this book, acknowledge that reason and rationality are not the only paths to valid conclusions."

Here there be monsters, folks.

The subtext: once you're done reading the textbook, or put it down, reason and rationality can re-enter your consciousness, but right now could they please give us some space? Thanks. In that shadowy, irrational world we can use our emotions to determine reality -- not science, not reason, not calculation.

Ok, so maybe there will be no monsters, but no sense will be found either.

I still own the book, and the passage is still underlined.

Armed with Reason, I am my own personal Conan.

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